Saturday, December 20, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Your belief controls your tap of potentials. If you believe that you cant, the tap is closed forever. However, if you choose to believe that you can do it, the tap opens and u unleash a great amount of potential which otherwise you never thought you had. So never tell yourself that u cant. Always belief in yourself and you can never go wrong.....
Saturday, November 22, 2008
கதையை எழுதியவர் வித்யா சுப்ரமணியம். இவரது கதைகளை எப்பவும் விரும்பி படிப்பேன். முற்போக்கு சிந்தனையோடு எழுதக் கூடியவர். எந்த ஒரு சூழ்நிலையையும் ஒரு வித்தியாசமான கோணத்தில் இருந்து பார்க்கக்கூடியவர். சாதாரணமாக வரும் கதைகளைப் போல் சிக்கலில் மாடிக்கொண்டிருக்கும் பெண்ணை ஆண் காப்பாற்றுவது போலவும், அரைத்த மாவை அரைக்கும் காதல் கதைகளும் எழுதாமல் ஆண் பெண் இருவரின் உணர்வுகளையும் மிக அழகாக வர்ணித்து எழுதக் கூடியவர்.
நூலகத்திலிருந்து அம்மா தான் இந்த புத்தகதை இரவல் வாங்கி வந்தார். முதலில் மேசை மேல் இந்த புத்தகத்தை பார்த்த போது 'தாயுமான' என்ற வார்த்தைகள் மட்டும் தான் தெரிந்தது. கடைசி எழுத்து நூலக barcodeஆல் மறைக்கப்பட்டிருந்தது. 'தாயுமானவள்' என்பது தான் தலைப்பாக இருக்கும் என நான் யூகித்து கொண்டு புத்தகத்தை கையில் எடுக்க, தாயுமானவன் என்ற தலைப்பை பார்த்ததும் சற்று வியப்படைந்தேன்.
ஒரு தந்தையின் அன்பை வெளிகொணரும் புத்தகம் தான் இது. ஒரு பெண் குழந்தையை ஆணால் தனியாக வளர்க்க முடியாது என் சுற்றி இருப்பவர்கள் கூற அதையெல்லாம் பொருட்படுத்தாது, அந்தக் குழந்தையை தந்தையாகவும், தாயாகவும் (ஆதலால், தாயுமானவன்) தோழனாகவும் வளர்க்கும் ஒரு தந்தையின் கதை. ஒரு தந்தைக்கும் மகளுக்கும் இருக்கும் உறவை மிக எளிதாக, அழகாக சொன்ன பெருமை எழுத்தாளரைச் சேரும். இந்தப் பெண் குழந்தையாக இருந்த போது சுற்றி இருக்கும் மற்ற குழந்தைகளைப் போல் தாய் வேண்டும் என கேட்கும் போது அந்த தந்தை புடவை ஒன்றை உடுத்திக் கொண்டு, நான் தான் உன் தாய் என அந்தக் குழந்தையை சமாதானப் படுத்துகிறார். அதே குழந்தை வளர்ந்து பெண்ணாகி பூப்படையும் போது இதே போல் புடவை உடுத்திக் கொண்டு ஒரு தாயாக இருந்து அந்தப் பெண்ணுக்கு என்ன செய்யவேண்டும் என்று சொல்லித்தருகிறார். அதைப் படிக்கையில் விழிகளில் நீர் படர்ந்தது. எவ்வளவு அழகாக இந்த தந்தை கதாபாத்திரத்தை எழுத்தாளர் வடித்திருக்கிறார்......
இதே தந்தை கணவனாக தன் மனைவியின் மீது காட்டிய அன்பும், அந்த மனைவிக்காக செய்த தியாகமும், அதற்காக அவர் அனுபவித்த தண்டனையும் மிக அழகாக எழுதப்பட்டிருந்தது.
ஆக மொத்ததில் பல நாட்கள் கழித்து ஒரு அருமையான நாவல் படித்த திருப்தி. இந்த கதாபாத்திரத்தில் வருபவரை போல் ஒரு தந்தையோ, கணவரோ கிடைப்பாரென்றால், எத்தனை ஆண்டுகள் வேண்டுமானாலும் ஒரு பெண் தவமிருக்கலாம்.
Monday, November 10, 2008
At the dawn of each day or on the days when I'm stuck in hospital for calls, I tell myself that I should make use of my post work hours well. Do something. Catch up with a friend. Spend some quality time at home. Do some proper reading. But it hardly happens. By the time the day ends, all I can think of is getting home, eating and sleeping. And i absolutely dont feel guilty about slouching on the sofa in front of the tv till I start dosing off, until I wake up the next morning n realise that I just wasted another few precious hours doing nothing. Sometimes getting the time to do nothing itself is a luxury and it feels good to not do anything too. But my list of 'to do' things is also growing exponentially. Sighz......
(There's really not much of point to this entry other than to whine out aloud - Sometimes it helps to relieve some of the sian-ness)
Friday, October 17, 2008
When colleagues and seniors tell you that it's something that you will eventually get used to, I wonder how true it is. Of course, itz true that things dont stop when one patient passes on. Life still goes on. The room gets cleaned and before you know it, you have a new patient admitted there waiting for you to clerk. At most you mourn silently for a few seconds and then u go about your daily work. And over breakfast or lunch, you talk about how it happened and if anything could have been done to change the outcome of things.
But every now and then you come across someone who means more than just another patient. For some reason, you give them the extra bit of attention, the extra bit of care.
And itz even harder letting go of such patients.....
I had hopes for him even though I saw him last at a stage when he was on his way on the path of no return. Oh well, some things are really beyond you. At least he doesnt have to suffer anymore......
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
The past four months have been full of ups and downs.....Sometimes, more downs than ups but on the whole, it has been a very good experience. My first month was tough, ironically, as it was supposed to be the team with the lightest workload. But I guess it helped set the tone. That's the way things worked most times anyway. It was a realistic start to work life. 2nd month was when I never saw daylight. 30 days of reaching hospital at 6/6.30am and leaving at 10pm (minus the weekends where I used to get off earlier). It was also a month that taught me some important lessons. Some that will remain etched in memory forever. I also met many nice souls during that period. My fellow colleagues, the team, the Nurses who will save food for you, who will make coffee for you when you are half dead during the call..... All these made it a very nice environment to work in. I guess, when you know that your work is appreciated, you dont mind doing the extra bit of hard work.
The 3rd month was completely different from the 2nd. From surviving on one meal a day, I moved on to going for breakfast at 10, lunch at one followed by tea and then back to hospital for exit. Had very nice seniors, who provided guidance and who were very willing to teach. I also did my first op that month! I removed 4 lipomas! It was sooo cool..... Haha
Last month in GS turned out to be one of the best. I really enjoyed myself in the team. VERY nice people to work with. Seniors who constantly check on you to make sure you've had lunch, seniors who dont order changes unnecessarily on weekends and during exit rounds so that the HOs dont go back late. Felt very taken care of......
And now moving on......
Hopefully the next four months will be a good experiene as well.
Still miss my GS days......
Sunday, August 31, 2008
So now, I finally want to live life the way I've always wanted to. I want to do things that I've always wanted to do but never had the chance to. And in case anyone's wondering, the cause of the change is purely self reflection and nothing else. No, I'm certainly not being influenced by anyone. And this is probably the best time to do it. I dont have to worry about studying, marks, etc for some time at least. I know for myself that time is the biggest limiting factor. I know that work commitments are so bad at times that I dont have time for my family and friends at times. And life probably doesnt get that much better from what I see my MOs and Registrars going through. But I've also learnt that if I'm gonna sit around and complain that I dont have time to do this and that, there's never gonna be an end to it. Sometimes, if you really wanna do something, you have to make time for it. And maybe because I dont want to lose out on things anymore, I tend to be a bit more aggressive than my usual self when it comes to pushing the red tapes. But I have no intention of upsetting anyone and I dont want to do things at the expense of upsetting others, which is my weakness as well. All i dont want is for my weakness to be exploited.
All I want to do is to live life to the fullest. More than the five years spent in medical school, these four months at work have thought me the uncertainty of life. You can never predict how tomorrow will be like and sometimes tomorrow never comes. And so, I want to live today to the fullest. I dont want to live in regrets. Not anymore. It's not something bad I'm asking for right?It's not. That's what I think and I believe I'm right.
"It's like thinking a caged sparrow can't fly and then refusing to open the cage door to give it a chance to even try........There's a wide wide world out there, and so many things I want to learn and see and do....... Don't keep me caged in now, let me have my chance to fly out too!"
- Dawan in Sing to the Dawn (One of my favourite excerpts from the book)
I was caged too for a long time, strangely, by myself. Resisting the urge to fly out even when the cage door was wide open. Now, I'm finally ready.
Monday, July 14, 2008
The most memorable event this week was graduation. Just didnt have the time to write about it. Commencement 2008. What an apt term! This two months at work has taught me that this journey which I have embarked on is just the beginning. The VERY beginning of everything. Indeed like what my medicine tutor told me in year three of med school:
"Truly MBBS is the PSLE of medicine. You aint seein nothin yet and it aint over till it's over"
Well, it felt good to have at least gotten over PSLE (once again). Haha
The ceremony meant lots more to my family i guess. Something they've been looking forward to for a long time. As for me, it's kinda sad that I didnt have that sense of overwhelming emotions as I walked up the stage. Not as much as when I received my results after the finals. What I felt was more of happiness and satisfaction cos I had the chance to make my parents happy.
The phototaking subsequently was fun. Felt like a star. Haha.....
So, back to waking up at 4.45 am. Sighz...... Looking forward to the next break already. Haah.
Holidays are NEVER enough....
Saturday, July 5, 2008
I woke up this morning to see the clear blue sky..... Just lay in bed, basking in the sunshine for a few minutes before scrambling to find my handphone. It was 7.30 am. Morning ward rounds would have started. I smiled to myself. No waking up at 4.30am, barely being able to grab breakfast, catching the 1st bus just so that I can reach work on time do the most impt task : Updating 'THE LIST'. Checking and rechecking to make sure that patients are not missed out, that the bed numbers are correct, that the latest blood results are updated.Haiz..... No more of that at least for week. Feels really good! Itz a well deserved break especially after the month at colorectal - days starting at 6/630 and ending at 1030 or later. It was a very tiring month but I really enjoyed the posting n learnt a lot. I realised how much of a difference a gd working environtment can make. People think I'm crazy but ya I still do miss working there.
Anyway, itz the BREAK finally! I was so looking forward to it! :D gonna make full use of it ;) Haha.....
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by: holding up a $20.00 bill In the room of 200, he asked, 'Who would like this $20 bill?' Hands started going up. He said, 'I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill . He then asked, 'Who still wants it?' Still the hands were up in the air. Well, he replied, 'What if I do this?' And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. 'Now, who still wants it?' Still the hands went into the air. My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE. You are special - Don't EVER forget it.' If you do not pass this on, you may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it can bring. Count your blessings, not your problems.
'And remember: amateurs built the ark .... professionals built the Titanic.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Actually on the whole, it was a very good call by all measures. I had 8 admissions and managed to get 2 hours of sleep.
But I was really dying in the middle of call. Most of my admissions came in from 4pm to 12pm and i think out of 8, 5 went into high dependency ward and required lots of urgent investigations. I probably became tbe On-call radiologist's new found enemy. Was calling him every half an hour to arrange for urgent scans for different patients. And in addition, I was constantly running to and fro from A&E to the wards. I was pretty slow too I guess. Was kinda lost initially and ended up getting pushed around between A&E staff and ward staff. Sighz..... Only managed to find time to change into scrubs around 2am in the morning.
And on top of all these, I was having a horrible headache. I skipped dinner cos there was no time, which made the headache even worse. Managed to get ponstan from one of the ward nurses and took the meds after a cup of milo, only to throw everything up a while later. Felt slightly better after throwing up but the headache got worse +++ . But had to settle an urgent referral of a patient to another specialist immediately so dragged myself to the ward, hoping I wont end up collapsing along the corridors requiring resuscitation. . Felt like running away from hospital. For the first time I had regrets. I started thinking about whether this was what I wanted to do after all. Was really at breaking point by then. Finally decided that I really needed a break after settling the blue letter i.e. referral letter. Met Belle in the wards as I was getting another cup of milo from the vending machine. Thanks Belle for sitting down with me for a while even when your call was getting really busy! Yep, so went to lie down for abt 20 min after that before proceeding on to finish up the rest of the changes. Felt a lot better after that.....
Finished clerking and changes around 3.30. Updated the list for the next day and went to bed. My MO's sms to me before I went to get some sleep: Hope to see you only at rounds in the morning! Haha.....
Managed to get about 2 hours of sleep unlike the passive HO whose phone was ringing every ten minutes as he desperately tried to get some sleep.
I was really glad to have a very supportive MO. It was harder in the earlier part of the evening as she was operating and I was all on my own. Things got slightly better after she came down.
I guess on the whole, I take it as a personal achievement for surviving through this call. Even though having only 8 admissions is considered a luxury +++.
I bumped into one of the patients I saw during my call in the wards this morning.
"Hey doctor, u stay the whole night is it? Whoa, u must be tired ah! Go and rest ok. Oh ya, thanks for taking care of me yesterday ah. My pain is a lot better now. Thanks ah doctor! " (even though it was my reg who prescribed the meds which relieved the pain. haha.....)
All that suffering during the call didnt go to waste.....
Friday, May 9, 2008
And my hopes of getting this weekend off - something that I was looking forward to from the start of the week - were dashed today. Had lots of plans that I was so eagerly looking forward to..... sighz
Lessons learnt in the 1st week:
1) One bowl of cornflakes can actually last me from 5am in the morning till 10pm at night. Amazing yea?
2) Being able to spend more than 3 hours at home (excluding sleeping time) is a luxury. (My routine for the past week: Wake up - bathe - eat - work - back home - bathe - eat - sleep)
3) Scoldings are a part and parcel of life. Learning to smile and to move on with the rest of day as per normal after a bout of scolding is an essential skill.
And this is just the 1st week.
Actually it hasn't been that bad. I mean, my workload is pretty decent compared to a lot of others. I guess today hasnt been that great a day.
Just gotta start afresh tmr. Let bygones be bygones. No point feeling down and depressed - it aint gonna help.
Oh well, I will survive, or so hope.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
I'm happy, excited but at the same time, there's a good amount of apprehension lingering at the back of my mind. Maybe it's the one week of scary stories that is taking its toll. I dont know.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
The story brought about many points to ponder. A lot of us do not even realize what we want in life and among the few who do know what we want, we are held back by a lot of reasons – family, friends, work, society etc. The list is never ending in a way. And sometimes, it just can’t be helped, or so we think. Commitments at home, at work hold us up and we push the pursuit of our dreams to a later date, only to realize that by the time we find the time to go for our goals, it’s too late. Now, if the decision to embark on the journey is hard as it is, the journey itself proves to be no less challenging. Failures hold us back when we are so close to realizing our goals. Very few pick up the pieces from these failures and go forth to accomplish what they set out to do. It is however not an easy task by any means. Not only do they have to live with the impact of the failure, they also have to deal with the day to day consequences of that failure. It is in fact, these people who can truly take pride in their success when they eventually do.
“Dreams are like stars...you may never touch them, but if you follow them they will lead you to your destiny.” - unknown
Friday, April 25, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
இப்பழக்கத்தைப் பற்றி கேட்ட போது, அதாவது விருப்பம் இல்லாமல், 'அவர் செய்தார்' என்பதற்காக செய்யவில்லை. சில நேரங்களில், அவர் செய்த அளவிற்கு மேலாக செய்தால் பிரச்சனை இல்லை. ஆனால், அவர் செய்ததை விட குறைவாக செய்தால் நன்றாக இராது எனும் பதில் வந்தது. இந்த கூற்றிலும் உண்மை இருக்கிறது. திருமணம் முடிந்த மறுமறுநாட்களில் அந்த வீட்டினரை சந்திக்கும் போது, ' நான் அவள் பெண்ணின் கல்யாணதிற்கு 100 வெள்ளி மொய் வச்சேன். ஆனா இவ எங்க வீட்டு கல்யாணதுக்கு 25 வெள்ளி மட்டும் வச்சிடு போறா' எனும் பேச்சுகள் காதில் வந்து விழும். சிரிப்பாக இருக்கும். அதே நேரத்தில் இப்படிபட்ட குறுகிய மனப்பான்மை என்று மாறப்போகிறது என்ற ஆதங்கமும் ஏற்படும்.
ஒருவருக்கு கூறும் வாழ்த்துகளோ கொடுக்கும் பரிசுகளோ அன்பின் அடிப்படையில் அமைய வேண்டும். இன்னும் சொல்லப் போனால் எந்த வித எதிர்பார்ப்புகளும் இல்லாமல் செய்யப் பட வேண்டும். எதிர்பார்புகள் இல்லாமல், 'என் மனதிற்கு பிடித்திருக்கின்றது, அதனால் உனக்கு நான் செய்கிறேன்' என்ற எண்ணத்தோடு செய்யும் போது, ஏமாற்றங்கள் இருக்க்காது. ஆனால் எதிர்பார்புகள் இல்லாமல் செய்வது எல்லோராலும் முடியாது. என்ன இருந்தாலும் நாம் எல்லோரும் மனிதர்கள் தானே? நான் என் நண்பரின் பிறந்த நாளை நினைவு வைத்து வாழ்த்து கூறுகிறேன். ஆனால், என் பிறந்தநாளன்று அவரிடம் இருந்து வாழ்த்து வரவில்லை என்றால், ஏமாற்றமும் வருத்தமாகவும் தான் இருக்கும். ஒரு வகையில் பார்க்கப் போனால், இந்த ஏமாற்றமும் அன்பின் வெளிப்பாடுதான். ஆக முழுக்க முழுக்க எதிர்பார்புகள் இல்லாமல் ஒருவருக்கு செய்யமுடியாவிட்டாலும், கணக்கு பார்காமல் செய்யலாமே? அதே போல், அந்த பரிசைப் பெறுபவர்களும் கணக்கு பார்க்காமல், வாங்கினால் சிறப்பாக இருக்கும். எனது சிந்தனையில் மலர்ந்த சிறு துளி. சிந்தித்துப் பார்போம்.....
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Lunch at swensen's was great today. The white chocolate blondie (below) was heavenly..... It's the closest to Bangalore's Sizzling brownie so far! Good food really makes one's day! :)
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I wanted to start this blog before exams and blog about how things are along the way. But kinda figured that I'd never get down to it with the amount of studying left to do. It's amazing how something that seems like just another exam in the phase of life can leave you so drained. The past month was literally like a roller coaster ride - both physically and emotionally. More downs than ups for me though. The stress level was unbearable and there were just so many times when I was at breaking point. Sighz..... Just thinking about how the first day of exams was or the day before surgery clinicals was gives me goosebumps.
Thanks to all of you who were really supportive during this trying period. Those calls, smses, emails really meant a lot..... A very special thanks goes to my med gang..... I so couldnt have gotten through this period without all u guys! Thanks so much!
Medical school was fun but I'll never sit for the final mbbs exams ever again, even if u give me a million dollars!